


Love me & Let me go

by ofreverentia



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, Not Beta Read, Song fic, lost chances, mutual feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 00:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofreverentia/pseuds/ofreverentia
Summary: A/N: make me stop listening to songs and liking them. Ashley Tisdale is responsible for this haha





	Love me & Let me go

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: make me stop listening to songs and liking them. Ashley Tisdale is responsible for this haha

Javier wasn't blind to the feelings Yuzuru had for him or developed over the years they have known each other. There was always something special between them and sometimes he wondered if be should take a step towards that something. But Javier was a coward and he wasn't sure he could take the intensity of what Yuzuru was ready to pour over him. Yuzuru came in waves, he was intense always and forever but he also ran hot and cold in his feelings. Sometimes Javier could describe it as clashing waves of a stormy ocean against the shore, unapologetic and painfully wearing down at the stones. The old him begged for something more steady, find a good love, leave it all behind him, he was over for how his feelings kept taking control over his body and mind most of times.

Javier wanted to breathe. 

He wished that Yuzuru would stop being so obsessed with him. On the other hand his own feelings came like landslides, out of the blue and just as intense as Yuzurus. 

“Love me….and let me go.” He would whisper to himself each night he couldn't ignore what his heart truly wanted. Don't get him wrong he loved each of his girlfriends and he is ridiculously in love with the current one but Yuzuru always held a special spot in his heart. He may have never taken that final step nor had the Japanese but they both knew there was something there. 

Javier looked to the side watching Yuzuru go through the step sequence of his short while he was desperately trying to cram all possible training he could get into 3 weeks before Europeans. He looked good but before he would allow himself to get distanced he went into his spins, hoping it would help him clear his head. 

Recalling all the times they have trained together, how much of a wild ride the past years have been he had to find a way to finally let go of it all. It was his last time to train for competition and he couldn't let a big distraction like Yuzuru come into his way. 

His resolution lasted until it was time to say his goodbyes to everyone. Final training session behind him, Brian looking quite pleased with how his last run-throughs went and while many tried to concentrate on their own training the air was charged with a feeling of sadness. Tracy told him how with his presence everyone trained harder and they would miss him dearly. Javier tried not to let the tears come to the surface even after they surprised him with a small farewell party. 

One by one he said his goodbyes to everyone until there was only one person left. Javier looked around the small crowd not able to spot the younger and he frowned. Brian came up to him, placed a warm hand on his shoulder, tipping his head towards the main rink. Javier gave him a small smile making his way down the corridor. When he pushed the door open the opening melody of his free program came from the speakers and a thin figure moved on the ice, mirroring his choreography. 

Javiers breath caught in his throat. He was trying to leave this all behind but here he was watching Yuzuru copy his choreography to the tiniest finger movements. The Spaniard knew the younger liked to watch him but this was too much but all so Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru strikes his final pose, breathing just a bit heavily which sounded so loud in the now silent rink. Javier moved closer to the edge of the ice, eyes never leaving Yuzuru. As if the younger knew he came gliding towards him, a tentative smile making his lips curl up at the corners, cheeks flushed both due to skating and something else. 

To his better judgement he reached forward, circling his arms around the others waist and his lips clashed against soft heart shaped ones. He could feel Yuzuru tense up for a moment before arms circled his neck and his kiss was returned with so much feeling, it made him stumble a bit backwards. Javier forgot about time, only the feeling of their kiss in his mind. Slowly they had to pull back to catch much needed air. Looking at each other Javier swallowed, palm moving to rest on the youngers cheek. Yuzuru leaned into the touch like he did so many times in the past. The words left his lips before he could stop himself. 

“Love me… “ Yuzuru smiled bitterly and finished his sentence for him. 

“And let me go…” Javier stepped back, hand slowly dropping to his side. There was understanding in the others face along with pain. Javier allowed himself something for a short period of time, a few minutes but it wasn't something he could keep. 

Forcing a smile on his face to stop the treating fall of tears he bowed to Yuzuru the same way he did so many times, not even a year ago in Pyeongchang and before he could catch his expression turned and walked away. 

“Tell the old me I had enough. I am trying to leave it all behind.” He thought to himself as he watched Toronto vanish behind the skyline the following day. He was bound to Minsk to grab his seventh title. Leaning back against his seat he released a long breath. 

“Thank you.”


End file.
